Malik Hakim

dear hogwarts, I have decided I am very very sorry for yelling at you all earlier, I like you all very much, yes even you stainy, and I am sure everything will be a-okay with luna because she is a very smart girl and besides sometimes we have to let things be and they will work out for themselves eventually. life sort of does a lot, you know, you just have to wait for it, except it can take a long time very very slowly like writing this entry for example. life is very slow right now, and I am sorry if it is somewhat strenuous to read this, my handwriting is not up to its best but at least I am calm & there is nothing to worry about.

happy christmas!

WHERE THE FUCK IS LUNA LOVEGOOD.

Dragged off the fucking train? Dragged? Are you lot fucking mad? Why the hell didn't you go and do something about that? "Oh, I hear the sounds of our dear classmate being dragged off the Hogwarts Express! Oh pity!" And to think I wouldn't have even fucking known about it if my cunt of a brother hadn't maybe seen that, yeah, on his way to the loo, now that he recalls it.

Were you too good for her, then? Let the weirdos get carted off to merlin-knows-where? Or maybe your mummies and daddies were more important, yeah? Tired of hearing about fucking wrackspurts, were you? You make me sick. Fucking deserved your shit compartments, if this is how you treat your fellow goddamn human beings.

HOGWARTS!!

I need your help. Yes, that's right, your help. Each and every one of you can contribute and make a difference, and you should! Because it's for a GOOD CAUSE. What is this fine, noble, & upstanding cause you ask me? Why, the Malik Hakim does not deserve detention foundation. Now, I know what you're thinking, but this organization does not take donations of a monetary kind, for the misguided fellow who dealt me this unfair blow is already well endowed enough to render all attempts at bribery utterly futile.

What do I need to do, then? you are undoubtedly asking yourselves. The answer is simple. All I need are your kind words of truth! VOUCH FOR MY CHARACTER, GOOD CITIZENS, AS I WOULD MOST LIKELY VOUCH FOR YOURS. Stainwright, who showed you that new wanking technique back in fourth year? Urquhart, who told you that you had the fittest arse north of Dundee? Please, Hogwarts. For my sake.

Oh, Stainwright. I found it.

( Slightly not-worksafe? )

Good ol' Benny Dover. Don't you miss him, Stainy?